My Independence Day...Coming Out as a Golfer

This is my first 4th of July holiday without my mom and though I’ve tried to keep away from such a personal and sad topic, the day is filled with memories of her.

Most of my friends miss their lost friends and relatives the most during the “holidays”. But for me, the 4th of July is that holiday. She had decided upon retirement to live in glorious Taos, NM, but could never give up her home and friends in Texas. So, as she aged, I made the pilgrimage twice a year to help her move back and forth between her two homes. Every 4th of July I would fly from Oregon to Dallas/Fort Worth, spend a few days working around the house and packing her personal belongings and pets into an oversized van. Then we would make the 13 hour drive together, I’d spend a few days in New Mexico, and fly back to Oregon. It was totally insane, but you do these things for people you love.

It was on one of those trips that my golf obsession was ignited. Having grown up three blocks from a country club that we belonged to, but never once golfed at, I had to work up my courage to tell her I’d been golfing…twice. I wasn’t sure she would understand. Would she still love me? She would have to realize that she was never going to get pictures of a thriving garden of layered perennials, colors perfectly matched as if they’d been picked off the Behr color chart. Never would she receive a handmade Christmas present made of wood, polished by hand as the ancient people did. No more weekends untangling fishing reels, I needed to let her know those dreams were gone.

“Mom, I know you’re going to think this is totally stupid, but I think I’ve taken up golf. I know it’s not what you expected of me. I know it’s a waste of money and I promise I’ll never act like one in front of your friends….”
“Oh honey, I think that’s wonderful. You can play golf for a lifetime and it’s just such a classy and wonderful sport.”

She then went on to tell me statistics on all the male golfers on tour at the time. She was a big Tiger fan and I heard about him and his childhood for the next fifteen minutes. The story was broken with her suddenly looking up at me and asking, “Do you have clubs?”

We were off to Bass Pro Shops where all beginners who are shy about golfing should start. You can walk boldly in and pretend you are there for bait or a new pair of shorts. You could even be buying a shotgun for your anniversary.

Mom bought me my first set of clubs. She insisted on it. I got a lot of play time out of that $139 set and passed them on to another closet golfer when I made the upgrade.

Last 4th of July I played a round in Taos by myself.

Mom was going to go and ride in the cart, but it was hot and she didn’t feel up to it. I played one of my best rounds ever in that dry, high desert air. She would have been proud seeing the ball sail down the middle of the fairways. She would have laughed heartily at the ones that landed in the sagebrush.

If we had known it was our last 4th of July together, she would have insisted I go play golf and would have said, “another walk spoiled”, as she sat on the couch and read with golf lightly playing in the background. Thanks Mom, for feeding my obsession and soul, and always surprising me with unwavering love.

Happy 4th of July everyone, I’m off to the golf course.